Pre-storm can be foreboding, nerve wracking, and can cause panic and increase one’s turning to prayer, either out of fear or in faith. The real question is, what is one praying? Does one know the source or cause of the impending storm? This matters, it really does. What is our attitude going into the storm? What are we most afraid of losing from the storm? This is an important question and can be the beginning of the real journey.
The storm itself can be scary, extremely uncomfortable, and overwhelming. It can force one into a faith and prayer simply out of fear of the unknown. The beginning and center of the storm seems like the most horrific part of the journey. Will one survive? What will be the outcome? What will remain? What will be lost?
Post storm is where the real work begins. If one survived, it’s time to assess and evaluate the damage, calculate the cost and make the decision whether to restore, rebuild, or relocate. Again, these are only questions that can be attained by knowing what and how to pray and then being willing to comply.
Starting over with absolutely nothing can seem so depressing and scary. But it can also be an opportunity to start from a fresh perspective and carrying a lot less baggage. 🧳 There’s a freedom in letting go of things, things we’ve collected along the way that merely collected dust themselves as they took up space in our lives.
I’ve been going through an immense storm. I’ve lost some of my most beloved people. Security, stability, and support were swept away abruptly. I’m losing nearly everything. People from the outside looking in seem to think they have all the answers for me.
As I sell and give things away my house is looking a lot less cluttered…and much bigger, too big in fact. As I move on from broken and painful relationships or lost loved ones my heart is mending from the betrayal and hurt (not family). Everyday that goes by the grief seems to get lighter…until that sporadic, unexpected hint of a fond memory that catches me off guard bringing me to tears at the most inconvenient moment. The pain lasts shorter and is a little softer each time.
My load is feeling lighter, less burdensome. People ask and press, where are you going? Where will you live? You have to have a plan? But do I?
I’ve been feeling displaced for a while now, like I don’t feel as though I really fit in anywhere. My heart feels called to Europe. Strangely enough I felt a closeness to my mother most in Vienna. I felt a tangible closeness to God in Iraq, Cyprus, Greece, and Italy.
Everyone keeps telling me I need to “just go get a job.” I’ve seen enough death, destruction, persecution, and betrayal the last four years to realize just how delicate this precious life is. I’m not so sure I want to live my last however many years I have left working my ass off “just to survive.”
I’m on a journey to live the rest of my life on purpose with intention. Some awesome opportunities have presented themselves. These opportunities will require hard work, but it’s work I love and I’m passionate about. I think I’d rather downgrade my lifestyle and require a lot less and live the rest of my life with purpose, recognizing I have no idea when my last breath will be. It’s a lot easier moving in this direction with a lot less stuff, both tangible and emotional to be worried about clinging to.
Is this journey with a blurry blueprint scary? Sometimes. But mostly, it’s exciting and invigorating. My faith is being challenged and growing. My hope is slowly returning.
Perhaps I will vlog this journey.
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